Judge…Not

I’m just a plainspoken Colorado criminal defense lawyer, but the way I see it…

Here are some more of the people nominated by Donald Trump for appointments to the federal bench.

Jeff Mateer, nominated to the U.S. District Court for the Eastern District of Texas. Finds the love of a man for a man, or a woman for a woman (and probably a Republican for a Democrat), “disgusting.” Says “We’re back to that time when debauchery rules.” (I’m pretty sure that time was back when I was a freshman at UCLA; I’ll never forget it.) Took time out of his busy schedule to denounce a transgender first-grade child who “shows you how Satan’s plan is working.” (I just hate those six-year-old minions of Satan.) Thinks the Supreme Court would be a damn fine court if only five Jerry Falwells could take up the black.

Stephen Schwartz, nominated to the United States Court of Federal Claims. Feels black folk should be allowed to vote, but only if they clear a few voter suppression hurdles first. (Easy-peasy: everyone knows black folk can really jump.) Never met a transgender person he didn’t want to ban from the same bathroom he uses. Never practiced law in front of the court he wants a seat on. (Doesn’t matter: he isn’t admitted to practice before that court anyway.)

Matthew Kacsmaryk, nominated to the United States District Court for the Northern District of Texas. He’s been called the second pea in Jeff Mateer’s pod. He too is inordinately disturbed by other people’s gender identities and preferences and would prefer to criminalize them. Wants to preserve the right of the righteous to discriminate against those monsters who would confound the sanctity of the union of one man and one woman. You’re going to work side-by-side with those creeps? Not on my job site. You’re gonna give ‘em federal funds like they were everybody else? Live next to one? What if they sit on your toilet? Not in this guy’s lifetime.

Mark Norris, nominated for the U.S. District Court for the Western District of Tennessee. I swear it’s not just the South, but yeah, this Tennessee state senator led the charge to prevent cities from passing laws forbidding discrimination against lesbians, gays, bisexuals, transgenders, and folks who aren’t sure what they are. He’s absolutely sure he’s a manly man whose lips touch none but woman’s, sometimes even with consent. Was terribly upset when the Memphis City Council decided four years ago that maybe it hadn’t been such a good idea to name one of its parks after the first Grand Wizard of the Ku Klux Klan. Tried really, really hard to make sure undocumented immigrants would be jailed longer for the same crimes decent white folk committed.

Leonard Grasz, nominated to the United States Court of Appeals for the Eighth Circuit. The American Bar Association rarely unanimously rates a Presidential nominee as “not qualified,” but that rare exception was accorded Grasz. (Of the fifty-nine Trump nominees so far rated by the ABA, thirty-two were rated “well qualified,” seventeen “qualified,” and four “not qualified.”) The ABA essentially found Grasz seldom has heard of a high court decision that his personal bias couldn’t overcome, and would likely continue that practice. His views are particularly inimical to women who insist they control their own bodies.

Brett Talley, nominated to the U.S. District Court for the Middle District of Alabama. The only other unanimous “not qualified” ABA rating, and only the fourth in its history. Obviously a quick study, he’s only practiced law for three years. Never lost a case, partly because he’s never tried a case. Oh — and he forgot to disclose that he’s married to one of the White House lawyers. Fondly refers to a former U.S. Secretary of State as “Hillary Rotten Clinton.” A month after twenty children were gunned down at an elementary school, pledged undying financial, political, and intellectual loyalty to the National Rifle Association (I guess in lieu of flowers). On the plus side, his membership in the Tuscaloosa Paranormal Research Group may make him the first ghostbuster on the federal bench.

Thomas Farr, nominated to the U.S. District Court for the Eastern District of North Carolina. Has spent thirty-eight years defending new and less obviously nefarious ways to deprive black people of voting rights. Regarding one of his most recent “voter fraud” efforts, a U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals struck down the law for targeting African Americans “with almost surgical precision.”

Most of these are lifetime appointments.

These are the people who will forge the jurisprudence of the next half-century. God bless America. She’d better.