What’s in a Name?

I’m just a plainspoken Colorado criminal defense lawyer, but the way I see it…

The pigskin artists formerly known as the Washington Redskins finally changed their name today.

Redskins, Merriam-Webster tells us, was first used as an insulting and contemptuous term for American Indians, around 1769.

It was insulting and contemptuous in 1769, a half-dozen years the other side of the French and Indian War. It was insulting and contemptuous in 1933, when the team was first established in Boston. It was insulting and contemptuous all the way through till they reluctantly retired the name in 2020.

So used to the insulting and contemptuous nickname was management that it took two years to come up with a name that was neither. What they came up with was, the Commanders. No racial or gender slur there — probably: a lot of male army commanders in U.S. history made it their mission to slaughter almost as many Indians as they met.

First runner-up was an affectionate nod to the local members of Congress — who unfailingly use football metaphors at their press conferences — but owners felt the Washington Chickens might seem insulting and contemptuous of actual chickens.

Other close contenders were Armada (nobody could remember what that was), Presidents (who really likes presidents unless they’re on currency), Red Hogs (well, they’re red, and they’re hogs), and Defenders (too soon after Jan. 6).

However lame the name, it ends a hurtful and indefensible legacy too many nevertheless defended too long, if maybe not in rancor but only ignorance of the harm done. But to paraphrase Oliver Wendell Holmes, five generations of imbeciles are enough.

Team President Jason Wright said the team’s fans thought the new name should reflect concepts like resilience, grit, tradition, and family.

You know, the values deeply manifested by the first people who called this part of the world, home.