Haunted House

I’m just a plainspoken Colorado criminal defense lawyer, but the way I see it…

Just in time for Halloween, the United States House of Representatives has elected a real monster to lead it. Not very many decent people there wanted the job. You get what you vote for.

The generic Mike Johnson is the new Spectre…excuse me…Speaker of the House.

One of his first acts was to declare that a mass shooting in Maine involving a military-grade weapon is not the time to think about gun safety. Let’s talk about it some other time. We’re just not praying hard enough, and anyway I gotta cash my NRA check first.

These are his qualifications:

• About five people in the United States had ever heard of him before; four of them call him “Papa” and the fifth, according to MJ during his acceptance speech, spends a lot of time on her knees, doing…something.
• First in line to pretend 2020 voters actually reëlected Donald Duck.
• Industrial-strength homophobia. So afraid of any marriage that isn’t between a red-blooded American man and a handmaid woman that he would deny federal funds to any college that dares talk about sexual orientation or gender identity.
• Vow to jail any doctor who aborts a future able-bodied worker just to save the mother’s life.
• Climate change — what climate change?
• Wants to restore Christian prayer to public schools so more people grow up to be like him.
• Believes those same public schools are to blame for mass shootings because they teach evolution rather than that God got the job done in six days.

And this, this is the fella separated from the Presidency of the United States of America by two beating hearts.

This may or may not be a House divided, but I for one can’t stand it.