Live by the Sword

I’m just a plainspoken Colorado criminal defense lawyer, but the way I see it…

I’m not sure, because I may have been thinking about other things during elementary history class, but this may be the first presidential campaign in the United States where the candidates suggest they might just assassinate each other.

And when I say candidates, I mean candidate.

Donald Trump says Joe Biden already ordered the FBI to kill him if he ever got off the toilet long enough to try to stop them from taking back the national secrets he stole and stored next to the gold throne at Mar-a-Lago for handy reading. [Editor’s Note: I originally wrote “for easy reading” there, but for him no reading is easy.]

The once and horribly possible future president [Editor’s Note: he’d prefer the usual word “king” there] says Biden bungled the job because he forgot that Trump wouldn’t actually be there that day. If true, he might finally have solid proof of Biden’s cognitive decline.

Proof of his own decline may be that Trump apparently forgot he’s argued that when you’re president it’s okay to assassinate your political opponents, because when you’re president…it’s okay! If it wasn’t, every president would be afraid to leave office for fear of criminal indictment (take it from someone who knows) and would just have to declare themself dictator on Day One.

You have to admit that’s a solid argument.

Two or three Supreme Court justices admitted it (they might have just been kidding) during argument before the full Court. As of today they haven’t decided whether a president is immune from criminal prosecution for ordering the assassination of a political opponent. I hope they’ve screwed their thinking caps on right, because I never thought any American would ever live to write a sentence like that last one that wasn’t in a work of fiction.

Donald Trump should hope that, if this Supreme Court is so stupid or politically deranged that they agree with him, they don’t announce their agreement until after the next presidential inauguration.

Because if Donald Trump wins reëlection, and Joe Biden isn’t as cognitively impaired as Donald pretends he is, Joe might remember that until around noon 20 January he’s still the president, and still Commander in Chief of the Army, Marine Corps, Navy, and Air Force.

The Coast Guard would have a ball at Mar-a-Lago. Maybe even score a gold toilet.