Love & Marriage, Attorneys at Law

I’m just a plainspoken Colorado criminal defense lawyer, but the way I see it…

When I was a wee lad, the first law firm of which I became aware was called Dewey, Cheatham, & Howe. I think they handled some sort of domestic violence dustup between Porky and Petunia Pig. Maybe Petunia hit Porky in the face with a cream pie; I don’t firmly remember the details.

The important thing was the name of the law firm: some names just go together, like a horse and carriage.

My first law firm was Rosmarin & Milner. Not nearly so interesting a name. It didn’t last. Not because our names were so boring, but because Richie and I were only thirteen and no state supreme courts were handing out law licenses to folks not quite out of the eighth grade with imaginative ambitions.

Since I started writing the Drunk & Disorderly newsletter, I’ve come across some names that are interesting. I’ve come across them because, as sixty thousand or so of you across the world know, subscription to the newsletter is by invitation, and acceptance of that invitation, only. (Full disclosure: the first two hundred forty-one of you who got the very first edition were simply and literally enlisted on the untested theory that you were friends, family, and colleagues I already knew well and so you wouldn’t mind, and for the most part you didn’t. Apologies to that one guy who did.)

None of the lawyers mentioned here are subscribers; while many of you have interesting — some would say fascinating — names, the subscriber list is confidential, strictly off the record.

“I get results with Payne & Fears,” reads one testimonial on that Irvine, California, LLP’s website. It could have been, but I don’t think it was, written by Vladimir Putin.

There was the husband and wife law firm of Bickers & Bickers in Murrysville, Pennsylvania. I see they’ve retired, but you can still write to attybickers@windstream.net and probably still get an argument from them.

I might mention that Boone, North Carolina, boasts the law firm of Eggers, Eggers, Eggers, & Eggers, but I wouldn’t want to encourage them. Though what of tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow? There must be a few little eager Eggers among them who can’t wait to add their names to the letterhead.

But by far the most interesting name of a real law firm which I have ever encountered is the one I stumbled upon today in The Netherlands.

They are Freeke & Monster, attorneys at law, who as you can see from the photo above that greets you on their website, are not nearly so scary. When you translate from the Dutch there, they actually sound pretty darn nice.