Things I Wish I’d Never Heard in American Political Discourse

I’m just a plainspoken Colorado criminal defense lawyer, but the way I see it…

Is it just Donald and Ted, or are Hillary and Bernie up to the same thing? I’m an independent voter, so I don’t really pay that much attention till the nominees are picked.

So maybe this sort of thing has happened before, but my probably ignorant impression is that no candidate in the history of the Republic till now has ever guaranteed the voters that his procreative equipment is bigger than the average Marco’s, nor has anyone said anything remotely like this from Ted Cruz (isn’t he a United States Senator?):

Donald Trump may be a rat, but I have no desire to copulate with him.

Maybe if he’s a sweet little kitten?