Top Ten Ways To Build Your Criminal Defense Practice

I’m just a plainspoken Colorado criminal defense lawyer, but the way I see it…

Because I may never pass this way again, I wanted to leave a bit of advice for those who will replace me. My ten best tips on how to gain a client base for your most robust practice with those who live outside the law, like me, but, not like me, get caught.

They are:

10. Join a biker gang.

9. Throw a party for the neighborhood drug dealers.

8. Place an ad in Mafia Today.

7. Buy a Lincoln.

6. Commit a minor crime that won’t get you disbarred, and do some quality networking in jail.

5. Start a campaign to criminalize coffee.

4. Change your name to Philip Corleone. (Use your own first name: that one’s taken.)

3. Attend a different Catholic church every Sunday and chat up some altar boys.

2. Meet a few working girls and tell them, no, really, I just want to talk.

And the Number One Top Ten Way To Build Your Criminal Defense Practice:

1. Stop buying lunches for other criminal defense attorneys — they’re just as clueless as you are — and pal up with some plain old…criminal…defense attorneys.