What God Wants
I’m just a plainspoken Colorado criminal defense lawyer, but the way I see it…
I’m pretty sure there are no subscribers to Drunk & Disorderly in Afghanistan. It’s not that there are no drunk or disorderly people who live there. According to the Taliban there are plenty. They don’t mention whether those folks are drunk or disorderly because of the Taliban.
I highly recommend that unless religiously proscribed, people there be both.
It’s partly because of recommendations like mine that the Supreme Leader of the country wants to put the squeeze on half his citizens — the female half. Not “put the squeeze on” in the same sense that the United States’s wannabe Supreme Leader would like, but to purge them of every human right so richly deserved by the other half of his citizens — the male half.
To this end, El Supremo has, since the United States abandoned the country back to him a couple of years ago, banned female judges and lawyers, and halted most services to women. Girls get to go to school, but only till the sixth grade.
Women can’t work or teach at public universities, can’t work for the government. Can’t go to public parks. Sports: not for them. Beauty salons, closed. A male guardian — can’t leave home without one. Inside the home, they’re not supposed to listen to music.
With all that and more, still something was missing. So about a week ago Mr. Supreme revived one of his faith’s best ideas: women who stray from their men will be flogged or, if they’ve really, really strayed, stoned to death. In public. Men who commit adultery may get a stern talking-to; or not.
He mentioned he knew people would call his new edict a violation of women’s rights, but that’s because “I represent Allah, and you (presumably everybody else) represent Satan.”
I don’t use the name of this leader, because there’s a certain uncertainty about whether he is who he says he is. His announcement about bringing Afghanistan back into the stone age was by radio broadcast. He occasionally gives a public sermon, but with his back to the public. People say they can’t really hear him that well. He’s been using the same 1990 passport photo in all pictures shown them.
Either he’s dead, or he just doesn’t look anymore like someone who should be representing Allah.
Me, I’m fine representing Satan.