You Got the Look

I’m just a plainspoken Colorado criminal defense lawyer, but the way I see it…

The other day I got an email purportedly from Esquire, the men’s magazine. Told me all about a great new fitness program, developed by guys who have nothing to do all day BUT get pumped — for their next parole hearing. These physical fitness experts are felons. And now, entrepreneurs.

And here’s their pitch: don’t just develop a body: develop a “Conbody.”

Why smuggle that chisel in a cake, when you could be chiseling your chest and arms instead?

You’re not just doing time; you’re doing pushups.

Conbody says to get that valued I-just-did-six-years-in-the-slammer look you don’t need to leave your house. You don’t need to buy any equipment. You don’t even have to be anybody’s bitch.

Most importantly, you don’t actually have to go to prison. You can do it in the comfort of your home, in just twenty-three minutes a day.

Just click on the link, the email says, and you can start right now.

But here’s the thing.

I’d give you the name of the website, so you too could build the felon-fit body you’ve always dreamed of, but never had the initiative to commit the crimes that could really get you started. But I noticed when I clicked the link to start my own transformation today, that my ever-helpful computer flagged the site as maybe having the intention to steal my identity and financial info. I might get fit, but I might go broke.

Damn. A con job.