All the President’s Felons

I’m just a plainspoken Colorado criminal defense lawyer, but the way I see it…

Have there ever been so many of the President’s men convicted of felonies during their (fake mob) boss’s first (and dear God only) term of office?

Trump adviser Roger Stone, who will sashay into custody next year with a prison-ready tat of that other criminal president Richard Nixon on his back, is the latest but not likely the last.

Here is a list of these bad boys, along with some of the very nice things the capo di tutti capi has had to say about those he admits knowing.

Roger Stone, convicted of seven counts of obstruction, lying to Congress, and witness tampering: “A good guy…so loyal and so wonderful.” Awaiting sentence.

Alex van der Zwaan, Dutch lawyer and Ukraine political consultant, convicted of lying to special counsel investigators. Thirty days in prison.

Richard Pinedo, convicted of selling fake online identities to some of the Russians Trump invited to help him win office. Six months in prison.

George Papadopoulos, Trump campaign adviser, convicted of lying to the FBI: “Excellent guy.” Fourteen days in prison.

Paul Manafort, Trump campaign chairman and another Ukraine connection, convicted (twice) of five counts of tax fraud, two counts of bank fraud, and one count of failing to disclose a hidden foreign bank account: “A respected man…who’s a good man also, by the way…a very decent man.” Seven and a half years in prison.

Michael Cohen, Trump’s personal lawyer, convicted of tax fraud, bank fraud, and sundry campaign finance violations he testified were at the direction of his client: “a fine person….who I have always like and respected.” Three years in prison.

Michael Flynn, national security adviser, convicted of lying to the FBI: “He’s a very good person…a fine person…great guy, great man.” Awaiting sentencing.

Rick Gates, Trump campaign deputy chairman, convicted of conspiracy and lying to the FBI: part of “a great group of people.” Awaiting sentencing.

Plus, thirteen Russian nationals, three Russian entities, twelve Russian military intelligence officers — none of whose names I can spell — and Konstantin Kilimnik, Manafort pal and yet another Ukraine connection, all under indictment breathlessly awaiting arrest.

As the President says, just a great group of people.