Justice Overcome

I’m just a plainspoken Colorado criminal defense lawyer, but the way I see it…

These are good times for a criminal defense lawyer.

The President of the United States is a crook, so he’s always gonna be on your side. The President’s personal attorney, who moonlights as the Attorney General of the United States, is a crook who’s extremely handy to have around at sentencing, should your client be so unfortunate as to have a real trial — you know, the kind with witnesses and documents.

A bunch of spoilsport former employees of the Department of Justice are trying to ruin it for all of us. These obvious malcontents are saying William Barr (the President and I call him Bill) should resign.

And for what? Saying a very good pal of the President should get to go home early? Roger Stone was convicted by the merest accidental carriage of justice. The twelve idiots who said he was guilty — not once, not twice, but a ridiculous seven times — obviously hadn’t been listening to the President, or somehow missed reading his very persuasive Tweets.

You would’ve thought the judge in the case could take a hint. She should have dismissed the whole thing before the trial was even over: didn’t she realize that illustration Stone distributed of the judge in a sniper’s cross-hairs was her? Silly woman.

The sheer number of ex-DOJ lawyers calling for Barr’s resignation — nearly two thousand seven hundred and counting — just shows you what a crowd of goody two-shoes have infested that department over the years. Didn’t they learn anything from the Senate Republicans earlier this month? Justice isn’t about fairness; it’s about winning, and keeping on winning.

With the titles they’ve held — all the way up to Acting Attorney General (for Presidents Nixon and Bush, no less) — you’d think they’d already know that. Some of these folks were working the DOJ when Eisenhower was down the street. One guy’d been there fifty-one years.

What in the world are they thinking?

I know what every criminal defense lawyer in this country is thinking: my next sentencing, I’m calling our good buddy Bill Barr.

Sure hope he’s still around.