Best. Trial. Ever.

I’m just a plainspoken Colorado criminal defense lawyer, but the way I see it…

I just got back from the very nicest trial I ever had.

I had a feeling it would be the very nicest trial I ever had, from the moment I met the judge at pre-trial conference.

“Counselor,” he told me, “what would you say to fast-tracking this little trial of ours?”

I asked him what he meant.

“Suppose I make a ruling that the prosecutor won’t be allowed to present any pesky documents or any nattering witnesses, would you agree that you too won’t clog my docket with documents or witnesses?”

My client was guilty as hell, so I told the judge I’d consider it.

“I’d like to get this thing done before Super Bowl Sunday,” the judge said. “Gonna be a big party.”

I told him I’d run it by my client.

“Is this some kind of trick?” my client wanted to know.

“Judge is a massive football fan,” I said.

“What happens if we allow documents and witnesses?”

“Jury finds you guilty as hell.”

My client walked out of court a free man this morning. On his way to buy cheese dip for the judge’s party.

I asked the judge where he got the idea to hold a trial without documents or witnesses.

He said it was something he saw on TV.